Why is identifying and acknowledging addiction so difficult?

Let's talk about how addition works. There are four core beliefs of addiction. Each belief seems to lead to the next one. As a result of these core beliefs, patterns form and can lead to addiction. 

These are the four core beliefs of addiction:

1. I'm _______. I'm bad. I'm not enough. I'm unloveable. It is common for all of us to wrestle with this core belief from time to time. With addiction, however, as patterns begin to form, this core belief seems to become more ingrained into our minds. 
2. Nobody will love me if they really know me. This core belief is a very common fear for many people. We are hard-wired for attachment, so it's easy to fear rejection. Repeating negative behaviors cause the roots of this core belief to dig in deeper. This leads to the third core belief. 
3. I'm responsible to take care of myself. In other words, I tell myself, "If someone really knows who I am, they won't want me." "If I rely on someone, they'll probably reject me." This belief leads to the final core belief, which is where addiction forms. 
4. I need ___. You begin to pursue something to fulfill a need. For one with a sexual addiction, sexuality becomes the need. A sexual response fulfills the need. In time, a sexual response will no longer be about having a connection. Instead, a sexual response becomes emotional coping. 

Negative core beliefs are often at the root of the addiction. Through therapy, you can redefine each of these core beliefs.

One of the issues with identifying an addiction is that the word dependency feels subjective. How dependent you think you are, might be the opposite of what your partner thinks. 

An addiction is when you no longer have a physical or psychological ability to stop or control your behavior, regardless of the harm it's causing. You're unable to stop participating in an activity that is physically or psychologically hurts you. Your ability to stop is replaced with, "This is the only way life is manageable." In other words, if life feels out of control without a certain something, you've likely developed a dependency. If this strikes a chord, you may have an addiction. Many, however, struggle to perceive their life as unmanageable. Identifying dependency can be difficult because acknowledging dependence is usually connected with shame. 

For example, a lot of clients with sexual addictions have different experiences than those with drug addictions. A sexual addict may not feel a sense of withdrawal or frequently need a 'fix.' Furthermore, they may not view their addiction as negatively impacting their life. Other addicts may not believe their addiction has become progressively unmanageable. Therefore, they wouldn't describe their use or behavior as something they're dependent upon. 

For many people, the term unmanageable feels subjective. The way your loved one defines unmanageable may be different than the way you define it. Your partner may tell you you're in denial. You may feel resistant to the word dependency because you genuinely don't feel like you need it in order to manage life. As a result, discussing dependency can lead to a rather heated debate. It may be most beneficial to seek professional help. Together, with your therapist, you can work through your different viewpoints.

Often, clients determine they do not have an addiction because it doesn't feel adherently 'bad' or damaging. While one may feel more harmful than another, all addictions are tied to compulsion. Likewise, the science behind addiction is the same across the board. Furthermore, all addictions leave the addict in a vicious cycle of dependency upon something in order to manage life. 

There are not many differences between the formation of chemical and sexual addictions. For example, chemical addiction is a pathological relationship with a mood-altering substance. The chemical runs through the blood to the brain. Then, the brain gets an overload of other chemicals, which feels good. They experience a sense of satiation, relaxation, or excitement. Eventually, the brain wants that again. 

Similarly, sexual addiction forms the same way. The difference is it's a pathological relationship with a mood-altering experience. The process is the same; the addict ends up with the same high. The difference is, the chemical release in the brain comes through the eyes rather than by injection. The brain experiences the same process; the delivery to the brain is the difference. 

As we previously stated, identifying how unmanageable things might be can vary widely. Hearing your loved one tell you you have an addiction can leave you feeling defensive. Likewise, discussing the facts around your addiction can lead to frustration and anger. 

You can help determine if you have an addiction by asking yourself these questions: 

• Do you have a loss of concentration when working on projects at work, home, or school? Are you flooded with thoughts of needing to act out? 
• Do you often find yourself lost in a fantasy? 
• Do you need to distract yourself from your thoughts so you can stay on task? 
• Are you too distracted to finish your assignments? 
• Are you less productive at work than you used to be? How present are you at home? Are you interacting with your loved ones less than you used to? 
• Do you need to smoke, drink, or inject something to be 'present' around people? 
• Do you lack self-confidence?
• Do you struggle with the ability to connect to your spouse or your family? 

All of these could be indicators that life has become unmanageable. As a result of negative core beliefs, an addiction upon something may be controlling your life in one aspect or another.

There is help for you at Addo Recovery. Identifying and acknowledging an addiction can be the hardest part of the process. We're ready to help you through this process and regain your freedom.