Advisors: Do they need more help than you can give?

Video Transcription

“I'm going to be talking about the question: ‘Do they need more help than I can give them?’ When I talk with religious leaders they often say ‘How do I know what I should refer out or whether I can do it by myself?’ Let's look at some of the specific things I've found over the years.

First of all, individuals who have a high frequency of viewing photography. What I mean by high-frequency, I’m talking 3-5 times per week. I'm talking on a regular basis that's been happening for years. Those people generally need more support. On our website, we have an assessment that you can take that helps look at the levels of addiction. If they score higher, obviously, you're going to want more support. [On] levels 4, 5, 6, and 7, they're going to need more support.

Next, if they are what we call ‘binging’ they’ll have a period of time time, 3 or 4 quick episodes, and then a period of time, 1-3 weeks, [where they are not giving in to their addiction]. They will also need more support because, in those moments of binging, they are creating a high and it makes them feel out of control. One of the things you are going to need to know is: Are they binging?

Then, we need to look at the bigger mental health picture. On our website, we assess for depression, anxiety, stress, and loneliness. When those are elevated, high loneliness, high depression, high anxiety, there are other issues that need to be addressed. If those are not addressed, then working with pornography or sexual addiction might be limited. Their success needs to all come together, we need to work with depression.

If you're a leader and you're assessing or need help assessing we can help with that. If they are depressed or anxious you want to make sure they are getting adequate support through therapy or counseling. Other questions that you might ask them: ‘Are they socially involved with people?’ Individuals who are excessively lonely need to develop a social support team around them. As a religious leader, you might ask a question: ‘Do you have friends? Do you have people you trust? Are you interacting with them?’ If they don't have that social support network it may be very helpful for them to learn more social skills and situations like that, outside of counseling, will be very helpful.

If they struggle with ADHD/ADD then clearly that is something that needs to be addressed. The research shows that individuals dealing with sexual addiction are more prone to have ADD. If they have untreated ADD their success in recovery is very limited. As a leader, you can't diagnose ADD or depression or anxiety, but if you sense it and talking with them you might ask him questions like ‘Do you have a lot of sadness? Are you excessively lonely? Do you worry excessively?’ Those are the types of questions that look at depression and loneliness and anxiety.

Finally, as a religious leader, if you get to the point where you feel like you're doing more work than they are, it might be best to get them additional support. You might be carrying their load and that can overwhelm you. We want to make sure that if you're feeling like ‘I don't know what to do’ make sure you reach out to professionalswho understand how to treat sexual addiction. These are just some of the things that I would suggest you do when you looked to refer out. thanks for your time.”