How to Rebuild Your Relationship After A Year-Long Pandemic

What are the keys to a long-lasting relationship? 

There are some tried-and-true qualities of long-lasting relationships that you're likely familiar with.

These include:

• Good communication
• Be trustworthy and honest
• Keep your own identity (remember you're two people)
• Show empathy and respect
• Be patient 
• Weekly date night
• Compromise 
• Apologize and forgive

What can you do to implement these skills to improve your relationship? 

Be intentional. 

Whether you're focusing on improving communication or offering empathy, be intentional in your efforts. For example, this could mean you set aside distractions when you talk to your spouse to ensure you're truly listening to what is being said. 

Be slow to respond and quick to repair. 

Stress can affect your relationship in a variety of ways. Often, it reduces patience and increases reactivity. When you recognize you're feeling stressed, try some self-care exercises to help alleviate your emotions. Next, make a conscious effort to recognize your behaviors when you're uptight. Then, practice slowing down your response rate and increase how quickly you offer an apology. 

For example, do you tend to have a response in mind before your spouse finishes their sentence? If so, try to be more intentional as you listen. Before you respond, you could try clarifying what you heard first. 

Next, do you respond with a lot of emotion? If so, ask yourself why. Then, try using "I statements" to express yourself more calmly. Keeping it about you and your feelings can reduce feelings of defensiveness. 

If you find you and your partner can't seem to have a conversation without arguing, you may be stuck in a cycle of negative interactions. If so, your efforts to communicate, empathize, or compromise may be limited. 

What does a cycle of negative interactions within a relationship look like? 

When couples struggle to communicate or connect, it's easy for negative patterns to form. Without repair, a cycle of negative interactions can take over your relationship. 

The cycle starts with a negative emotion. Examples include feelings such as: 

• anger
• frustration
• sadness
• fear
• anxious 
• overwhelm

When you feel negative emotions, you're likely to turn to a specific behavior. For example, you might: 

• withdraw, shut down, stop talking
• yell, attack with your words
• demand
• manipulate to get your needs met 
• repeat what you want over and over

If your partner is also experiencing stress or negative emotions, they're likely to respond on defense. As such, they too will turn to negative behavior. It doesn't take long until this cycle becomes the pattern of how you communicate with one another. As a result, it leads to dissatisfaction within the relationship. 

How do you interrupt a cycle of negative interactions within your relationship? 

So, you know the secrets to keep your relationship intact, but what can you do when things seem to get off course? Under normal circumstances, learning how to genuinely apologize and offer wholehearted forgiveness can be difficult. Likewise, it can be challenging to schedule date nights and practice compromise. However, adding challenges like working from home or job loss, health issues, and being told to stay home can test any relationship. COVID-19 is causing a lot of issues; stress is easily at the top of the list.

When ongoing stress and frustration pile up, it's likely your partner will be on the receiving end of an eruption. As a result, social distance may find its way into your relationship. It may not take long for you to get stuck in the vicious cycle of negative interactions. 

So, how can you begin a new pattern of communication? 

First, recognize your part in the cycle. After all, the only thing you can control in your relationship is yourself. Likewise, remind yourself that if you're feeling negative emotions, your partner probably is too. Then you can begin verbalizing your efforts to improve your relationship. 

For example, you could say: 

"I recognize the negative cycle we're stuck in. I want to try something different."

"I know I'm not the only one who feels stressed/overwhelmed/worried."

"I realize I'm unapproachable when I'm angry." 

As you practice this new style of communication, you may see your relationship start to improve.

The pandemic has impacted everyone in one way or another. If your relationship has taken a hit, you're not alone. Many couples may be stuck in a cycle of negative interactions. The good news is, it doesn't have to be permanent. At AddoRecovery.com, we have many resources that may help you rebuild your relationship. Visit our website to learn more.