Listening to Your Inner Voice

A few years ago I was working with an individual struggling with sub- stance abuse. He described his work environment as a place of constant tension and conflict because he couldn’t ever please his boss. Then, when I asked him what his home life was like he said, “My wife and I are fighting all the time about the fact that I don’t earn enough money.” As I considered his life, I thought to myself, “Where does this man find peace?” I decided to ask him. He said, “I guess that's why I drink.”

The lesson I learned from this man that it's difficult to find internal peace of mind when your environment is constantly negative and hurtful. The end result for many in this situation is generally turning to an unhealthy behavior (e.g. anger, depression, addiction, anxiety, etc.).

So what kind of environment are you living in? Is it a place where you can find refuge and peace, or does it feel like you are constantly being bombarded with tension, conflict, and pain? If you find that your environment is negative and hurtful, it's a good idea to create a protective barrier between you and your environment, at least temporarily, while you find time to listen to your inner voice.

Along with mentally and emotionally putting a protective barrier around oneself, many people in bad environments have found it essential to create a “safe place” either in their home or outside of their home. This is a physical place where you can go to meditate, ponder and get centered when soothing through the senses or creating a protective barrier are not sufficient. If you do not have a place like this, make it an effort to find one or create one. This must be a place that you can and will access regularly. In this place, you should put into practice your other tools: calming mind chatter, recognizing negative self-talk, soothing with the senses, and planning boundaries for your own safety.

Are your day-to-day energy levels high or low? Do you sleep well? Do you have a good diet?

In the book Willpower, authors Roy Baumeister and John Tierney, found that individuals with low energy levels are more prone to turn to unhealthy habits (e.g. eating, spending, anger, fear, addiction). The implications of this are significant for all of us. In essence, they are telling us that low energy levels put each of us at greater risk for making deci- sions that we regret later.

We all experience stress in life. However, how you respond to stress varies from day to day and even hour to hour. What’s the difference? When your energy is high you are better prepared to deal with stress. When your energy is low you may struggle with effective stress responses. When your energy is low your mind has to work harder to perform routine tasks like dealing with a difficult child or a spouse with whom you have a conflict.

Consequently, when you have low energy you may feel, think and act in ways that you don’t want to, which may make you feel disappointed in yourself. This pattern makes it more difficult to trust and listen to your inner voice and further lowers your energy levels. This cycle, if not interrupted, can last for extended periods of time leaving you feeling like your life is out of control.

Along with the strategies for healthy living already addressed in the Addo Lessons (soothing with the senses, dealing with negative self- talk, eliminating mind chatter, setting boundaries, etc.) here are a few more.

The Zeigarnik Effect is the tendency to experience intrusive thoughts about a task that was once pursued and left incomplete. When a task is incomplete, your conscious mind is signaled, which may be focused on new goals, that a previous activity was left incomplete. It is human nature to want to finish what we start and, if a task is begun and not finished, we experience mental conflict. Once the task is completed and the goal reached, however, this stream of reminders comes to a stop. So, research has shown that when experiencing a decrease in energy it's helpful to slow down and write down the tasks that are on your mind. Then rank in order their importance. Once you have completed the task, your mind will move on to another task and energy levels will rise.

Along with slowing down and prioritizing tasks, we invite you to consider this energy booster: ask someone close to you for their help. Tell them that you are working on a project about yourself. Invite them to write a letter of recommendation for you. This recommendation is not some- thing that you will give to anyone—it's just for you. This is a letter you can review when your energy is low and you are feeling alone or empty.

If you want to enhance this experience, write a letter for them as well, and then get together with your friend and read your letter of recommendation to each other.