Ashlynn's Recovery Story

Video Transcription

I would say to my whole family, ‘We have a perfect marriage.’ I always felt like there was something wrong with me. That whatever it was, it was my fault. In the first year of marriage, from the get-go, there was a suspicion that he was watching pornography or something was off. It was almost an immediate disconnect from each other. We never talked about it, but I would just be mad. When you're married to someone who's constantly hiding things from you, you have major trust issues. When he would do something that was maybe little, I would just react terribly.


Six years into the marriage he got caught having an affair, an emotional affair. Although he was never with her physically, I knew he didn't want me even emotionally because he was looking at pornography for the physical, and going to her for the emotional. I just felt incredibly alone, like I was never enough. I felt like I must be really different because my marriage is really hard.


One day my friend posted on Facebook, so I messaged her. She had been married to someone and he had affairs, dealt with pornography, and they had divorced. I told her about Coby’s affair, and I'd never told anyone. She said ‘You have got to come to this conference.’ At the conference, they started talking about Betrayal Trauma , and I immediately felt like this was something I had. It put a name to the emotions. It said to me ‘You have trauma, you have reason to feel anger, and to feel hurt and betrayed.’


It became Coby AND his addiction, instead of Coby WITH an addiction . That's when I felt like I had a huge turning point. Then one day, he came home from therapy and I was just going about my day, and he sat me down on this couch, and said ‘I have to tell you, I've had another affair.’ I went into the bathroom and cried and cried and cried. On the outside it looks terrible, why would you stay with someone?


I didn't want to give up on him. I didn't want him to just move on and have the same problem with someone else. I wanted to see if we could work it out together. He was willing, and I was willing, which is huge. Once I learned about the addiction, I was able to find hope and to move forward. I was able to see that there was so much room for me to grow in order to help him. I feel like this last year, our 15th year of marriage, we've both grown and Incredibly. I have a love for him like I've never had before, during the worst time in our marriage. I want other women to know there are huge groups that there are places to go to get therapy, to understand it, and that there is hope.


(Vow renewal): ‘The Coby who married me 16 years ago is different than the Coby I see today. There have been many times when I have believed the problems that were before us were too big to overcome, too painful to forgive, but I've learned that I love you more than I could have ever imagined, and that together we can move mountains of pain and turn them into valleys of trust. I love you.’