Are you a mom living with betrayal trauma?

The Team at Addo • September 11, 2020

Sexual infidelity and addictions can create intense emotions for all people involved and can quickly lead to betrayal trauma. In a recent study, 43% of women admitted they do not seek out immediate help to heal such a trauma. Sadly, far too many women feel the trauma's damaging side effects for more than two years before seeking help.

Why do women and mothers wait so long before starting the healing process?

First, let's define betrayal trauma. Thrive Relational Recovery in Colorado defines betrayal trauma like this:


"Trust is something you didn't question with your spouse. After all the time you've spent together developing trust, your bond felt solid. Likewise, that bond has provided you with safety and security for a while now. 


Then, the unthinkable happened. Now, you're dealing with grief and a sense of betrayal, unlike anything you have ever felt before. Emotions like anger, sadness, and fear are now rushing through you as if a dam within just broke. 


It feels traumatic because you're experiencing the symptoms of trauma. After all, betrayal is emotional trauma. While your physical life may not be a stake, it may feel like the well-being of your mental state is long gone."

There is a natural tendency for mothers to set their needs aside during betrayal trauma situations. Putting your needs first may not be something you even know how to do anymore. Sometimes moving forward again requires some extra help. 


In the end, if you are feeling the effects of your betrayal trauma, it's ok to reach out for support. If this has happened to you, we can help. Addo Recovery can find a therapist for virtual or in-person therapy sessions in your area.

What are the effects of not healing?

During the first few weeks or months of your healing process, you'll learn how interconnected your body is to the betrayal trauma. Unresolved betrayal trauma can leave you with both long-term physical and emotional problems. Above all, you'll learn why it is so vital for you to heal for yourself.


In Addo Recovery's study of 400 women, nearly 50% of the women seen professionally were diagnosed with depression. Furthermore, almost 38% had anxiety. Below are some of the most common physical, mental, and emotional side effects of betrayal trauma for women.


  1. "Frozen" or lack of knowledge on how to move on
  2. Struggle to fall asleep
  3. A belief you'll never love again
  4. Feel anxious and depressed
  5. Desire to be alone all the time 
  6. You have suicidal thoughts
  7. Flashbacks or memory triggers of your relationship
  8. Confused or "Foggy" thought process
  9. Struggling to become engaged 
  10. You don't feel like you're good enough parent
  11. Feeling tired or lack of energy
  12. Weight gain or loss
  13. Altered mood: irritability, aggression, risky or destructive behaviors
  14. Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
  15. Headaches, heartburn, etc. 
  16. Feeling shameful or embarrassed 
  17. Avoidant, reserved, or shutdown
  18. Denial, false sense of reality


Are you experiencing any of these symptoms as a result of your betrayal trauma? There are many women, specifically mothers, who are. The good news is there are options and ways to get your health back.

It is important to remember that through your healing process, you may continue to struggle with physical, mental, or emotional symptoms. Undoubtedly, the severity of these symptoms can vary significantly from person to person. The length of time to heal can vary, too, dependent upon your background, your role, and the nature of the traumatic event. Nevertheless, there is always hope for recovery and healing. 


As a mother ready to take the courageous step to begin healing, we want to help you to understand betrayal trauma is real. With the right support plan, channels, and therapist's guidance, you will be able to find peace. You will learn how it's affecting you and how you can respond. Again, this beginning phase is crucial to your success. It sets the framework for your healthy recovery and the ability to live a normal life. 


Addo Recovery specializes in Betrayal Trauma. If you or someone you know needs betrayal trauma help, Addo Recovery may be a valuable resource for you.