The Six Key Elements that Form a Sex/Porn Addiction

Pornography and sex addictions come in all forms and affects all types of people. And, while each person struggling with an addiction has walked a different path to addiction, there are similar elements within each story. Identifying and understanding these key elements can help you begin to understand more about the complex nature of sexual addiction.

Pornography addictions often begin at a young age and in many cases, the younger the addiction starts, the deeper it becomes. In my experience, most cases of addiction to pornography actually started between ages 10 and 14. The problem is that addiction starts with exposure and children are exposed to pornography in a variety of settings. At a friends house, an older brothers magazine, parents DVD, R-rated movies, Victoria's Secret catalogues, email pop-ups - they all arouse curiosity connected to arousal. It is becoming easier and easier for children to come across pornography in their everyday lives.

If left unchecked, this combination will lead to intentional exposure and eventual addiction because young children, tweens and teens don’t understand how to process the images that are creating the feelings.

In today’s world, we are constantly being exposed to sexual images and innuendos whether we realize it consciously or not, and children are no different. They are being forced to deal with images and the feelings they elicit long before they should be and long before they possess the wherewithal to process them. One researcher identified that 1 in 4 children who use the internet is exposed to unwanted sexual material.

Exposure to pornographic images and sexualized content is not limited to the internet alone, but can be found in almost every aspect of our everyday life - television, billboards, movies and with this constant onslaught we, as a society, become desensitized. This can be detrimental to children and teenagers and they are exposed to material before they can fully understand the nature of the content they are viewing. A teenageer caught up in thecuriosityofviewing pornographymaynotunderstandthisbehaviorcanleadtoan addiction. He or she does not realize these images are not reality and a disconnect begins to form in their abilities to form relationships.

These children lack someone in their life that can give them a reality check by explaining the context of what they are seeing. Even when parental involvement is high many kids will not want to discuss how their curiosity has now become a regular habit and developed into an addiction. Consequently, most children keep their secret inside as the addiction develops. For years, they fear that if someone finds out they will be punished, cast-out, rejected, made fun of, or otherwise castigated.

Loneliness is often referenced as a reason or driver of viewing pornography. Lack of interacting with others can drive the individual to pornography as a way to heal the loneliness. Many people suffer from social anxiety, making them feel nervous or inadequate while in social situations and pornography can bring relief and escape from this stress. This is especially true if the individual is single and has no current hope for finding a relationship. Often the mantra is, “Why try? No one would ever want me anyway.”

Feeling inadequate about your ability to form and develop meaningful relationships puts you at a higher risk for seeking pornography as a means of forming a faux relationship that only temporarily relieves the emotional pain an individual feels. Ironically, viewing pornography is a way of forming a false vicarious relationship that deepen the feelings of isolation because the relationships are with images and illusions.

Feeling intimidation around relationships or inadequacy interacting with others centers around a fear of rejection. Fortunately if identified and steps are taken to help, any individual can overcome social anxiety and develop the necessary social skills to develop healthy relationships.

While these feelings of inadequacy and intimidation can often drive an individual to pornography, a pornography addiction also increases and sustains these feelings. The relationship an individual may feel with the images on the screen increases their isolation with the real world and prevents them from creating or strengthening relationships with those around them. Others feel ashamed of their addiction causing them to further isolate themselves from friends and family, thus creating a vicious cycle.

Isolation, even under the best of parenting or child care circumstances, can still lead to addiction. Being alone with too little to do and not enough supervision can lead to an innocent curiosity and if unchecked this curiosity will develop into an addiction. Children left unprepared to handle these feelings and images typically keep their behavior a secret. As the months and years slip by the complication of addiction grows.

Without an example of healthy relationships growing up, it can be difficult for an individual who is addicted to pornography to form healthy relationship ideals. Without a proper example of how a woman should be treated, it can be hard to form a healthy relationship because so much of what we expect emotionally, physically and intellectually is formed by what we see around us.

Some children grow up with very sexualized examples of male-female relationships. When the adults around them are continually involved in sexual acts in plain view or are continually talking about or making references to sex this forms an expectation of normalcy in the child. Even if the child is seeing these interactions on television, if the example of male female relationships is continually covered in sexual innuendo the child will assume that to be normal and healthy behavior.

In overly sexualized homes, children are exposed to sexual behaviors they do not comprehend. This can lead to the development of sex as a replacement for love in relationships because the act of sex has such a strong priority. This perception can lead to one unhealthy relationship after another as individuals seek emotional fulfilment from physical actions.

Pornography fundamentally alters the way an individual approaches and seeks fulfillment from a relationship. Relationships tend to be looked at as only a sexual experience and while that is initially exciting, built on a weak foundation these relationships will eventually crumble. When the other areas of a relationship are not developed, the relationship will eventually disintegrate.

Pornography can also create unrealistic relationship expectations both physically and sexually as the images and actions that are being shown are unattainable. Sex is the focus of all relationships in pornography, distorting the truth about how real relationships actually are and what they should be built around.

Sex is everywhere in our society and currently there is little, if any, regulation in the media. Children should be carefully guarded from pornography, but, in today’s society children are often the target audience for advertisements centered around sexual expression.

Because of the power inherent in provocative advertisements all demographics are actively targeted with sexually based ads. But exposure doesn’t stop there. For example, 75% of prime time television in the 99-00 season included sexual content. Cultural norms teach society what behavior is and isn’t appropriate, regardless of what the consequences are.

While society ignores the problem, pornography and sex addiction rates reach new heights each year.

Sex sells in our society and with the amount of money that is generated each year, there are no signs of it stopping. With this emphasis on sex, pornography and sexual addictions will continue to grow each year. If this negative social system is left unchecked, pornography will erode our society right before our eyes.

It is not uncommon for children to be exposed to sexual experiences at an early age, whether it is by the hand of an adult or another child. Any sexual experience that a child is exposed to is premature for their mind and they are unable to make sense or understand the meaning of that experience. Because they are not able to properly process the experience, they can become fixated on the thoughts and feelings that the experience caused. Their mind can become stunted on those sexual feelings as they try to understand them.

Evidence has shown that our genes can be altered, and when children are exposed to sexual experiences at an early age, their genes can be altered to become focused on sexual stimulation. When pornography is viewed by a child who has had a sexual experience, the stimulation they felt during those experiences is brought back to life and can create more confusion as the child tries to figure out those feelings of excitement or arousal. That confusion can lead to exploration or visualization of images that cause those feelings again.